“Neither do real women.” This was Donna Brazile‘s message in the Spring 2009 issue of Ms. Magazine. In her article, Ms. Brazile talks about domestic violence and the Rihanna-Chris Brown fight that received so much press coverage a few months ago.
To my readers who hadn’t heard what happened and do not want to read a 3 page article in the link, Chris Brown and Rihanna are both young singers and were involved in a relationship. They fought one evening and Chris Brown hit Rihanna and she was reported as being “badly bruised” as she checked into a hospital. According to Rihanna, this was not the first time he had hit her.
Ms. Brazile’s article goes on to mention that Chris Brown had a stepfather who “regularly beat his mother”. She mentions that many kids who see or experience abuse often become an abuser themselves when they get older. However, other children who grow up in similar environments do not go on to become violent.
According to Ms. Brazile, the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) in the USA estimate that “1 in 4 women will be beaten or raped by a partner during adulthood”. In the article, the president of NNEDV was quoted as saying that in a “24 hour snapshot….domestic violence programs served nearly 61 000 victims and answered more than 21 000 crisis hotline calls….that doesn’t include those who couldn’t or didn’t reach out for help.”
What’s even scarier is that in 2006, the National Domestic Violence Hotline, a service to connect victims of abuse in the USA to shelters and domestic violence programs, was unable to answer 29 000 phone calls due to “insufficient resources”.
Ms. Brazile ends her article by urging her readers to “teach love and model compassion” and acknowledges that there is no simple solution, no easy answer to this problem.
I think that what is especially scary about domestic abuse is that most people who hear about violence between couples they know think that it is a private matter, that it’s “none of my business”. Domestic violence is very real. The victims and their children are very real.
If you live in the Greater Vancover area and hear of a friend, a sister, an aunt, a mother or if you yourself are in a violent situation, please consider going to or referring the victim(s) to Battered Women’s Support Services (BWSS). Crisis Line: 604-687-1867
BWSS is based in Vancouver and was started in 1979. They provide “support and advocacy for women who have experienced abuse”. BWSS also provides “training and education about violence against women”.
Note: While domestic abuse tends to be about physical violence, it does not necessarily have to be so. Domestic abuse can come in the forms of emotional abuse, intimidation, unwanted sex or marital rape, etc. If you are afraid of your partner for any reason, I would suggest that you speak with a BWSS crisis support worker.
Real love should not be based on fear.
